


Freak of Nature (Force of Nature)

by GilliganGoodfellow



Series: Force of Nature [1]
Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Asexual Character, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Geralt and Jaskier mentioned but not there, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Lambert, M/M, No Smut, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Protective Eskel (The Witcher), Sensuality, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:20:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26738749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GilliganGoodfellow/pseuds/GilliganGoodfellow
Summary: “This part of you is natural, Lambert. It’s leftover from when you were human. And you deserve to be loved the way it needs you to be loved.”-Lambert propositions Eskel their first night at the Passiflora, but the evening does not take the path that either of them are planning.
Relationships: Eskel & Lambert (The Witcher), Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Series: Force of Nature [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1971706
Comments: 26
Kudos: 163





	Freak of Nature (Force of Nature)

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to another exciting episode of Gilligan's brain refuses to work on her WIP.
> 
> Enjoy some self indulgent fluff instead.

Geralt and Jaskier meet Eskel and Lambert at the Passiflora, deciding to allow themselves a few days of fun and relaxation there before setting out towards Kaer Morhen for the winter months. 

Eskel had planned to finish the evening with a companion or two from the Inn’s fine offerings, right up until he arrived in Novigrad and immediately found himself roped into a Drowner hunt that took most of the afternoon and all of his energy. 

By the time he arrives at the Inn, he has just enough wits about him to greet his brothers warmly and share a meal before retreating to his rented room for an evening spent with nothing more than a good book and a glass of wine. 

Small comforts. 

Geralt and Jaskier will either end up with each other or with a partner each, depending on the alignment of the stars tonight. Keeping track of their relationship is like keeping track of the political situation in Skellige, and Eskel gave up long ago.

Lambert has been acting odd, and Eskel makes a mental note to ask him about it if he is still seems off tomorrow. Tonight though, Lambert will probably...

...he hears a knock on his door. 

Picking up his steel dagger, just in case, Eskel crosses the room in large strides and opens the door to find himself looking at the youngest Witcher.

“Hello, Eskel.” Lambert jabs at Eskel’s chest with his forefinger, and enters the room.

“Come in.” Eskel mutters as he closes and locks the door. “Make yourself at home.”

He turns around to see that Lambert has already removed his coat, and is working on his shirt. 

“Interested?” Lambert says, rolling the shirt off of his shoulders and letting it fall to the floor, leaving his torso bare. 

_Theories_

  * _Lambert has been possessed_


  * _Lambert has been replaced with a doppler_


  * _All of the above_



“Okay, I’m interested.” Eskel shrugs as he sits on the bed. “Just...you’ve never been before?”

“Guess I’m just tired of waiting for you to make the first move.” Lambert, now naked except for his smallclothes, straddles Eskel’s hips and wraps his arms around him, kissing him. 

Eskel’s memory is a bit of a blur after that. 

It occurs to the scarred Witcher that he should probably get Lambert to tell him something only Lambert would know, or at the very least hold some fucking silver against the younger witcher’s skin. But it also occurs to Eskel that this is heaven, as he sinks into the kiss, his own hands finding their way to the hem of Lambert’s smallclothes and moving down to explore the contents.

And Lambert’s breath quickens, the kiss deepening, becoming almost desperate as hands claw at the back of Eskel’s shirt. 

Eskel’s fingers explore some more, and Lambert moans. Becomes tense. Already? 

No. This isn't a pleasure tense. And his breathing is…is he panicking?

Eskel pulls his hand away, and pushes the younger Witcher out to an arms length as Lambert struggles to bring in a breath. Not with nerves. No, this is something else. This is definitely panic. Anxiety.

“There you go.” Eskel says, trying his best to keep his voice calm. “There you go, just breathe for me. Just breathe.”

“No. Don’t stop.” Lambert tries to push himself back towards Eskel, but is held afar.

Reaching past Lambert, Eskel grabs the blanket from the bed, draping it over the Witcher’s shoulders and pulling it tight, hiding everything except his head. 

“Just breathe. You’re with me, you’re safe.”

“Please don’t stop, I need...”

Despite his words, Lambert pulls the blanket tightly around himself, his breathing slowing as whatever anxiety spike he had been experiencing starts to die down.

It feels like an age before he is calm again, and Eskel risks pulling his hand out from the blanket, ignoring what is revealed as the cover parts and instead just looking at Lambert’s hand held in his own, one thumb delicately tracing back and forth over the chapped knuckles. 

“Is this alright?” 

Lambert lips part, close, part again. He sucks in a breath, and nods, closing his eyes. Then he shakes his head.

“Talk to me, Lambert.” Eskel says, his tone brokering no argument. “What’s going on?”

“Tired of being a freak?” Lambert says, eyes still closed. 

“What?”

With a snarl, Lambert pulls his hand away from Eskel and puts both back on the older witcher’s shoulders, the blanket flying off of him like a discarded cape as he pins Eskel to the headboard and straggles his hips. 

“Take me.” He spits. “I can handle it. I’m not a freak.” He starts to undo Eskel’s shirt. “I’m like all of them downstairs. I _want_ this. I’m not afraid of it. I’m not _repulsed_ by it. I’m normal. I want this.”

“I don’t.”

“What?”

Eskel shakes his head, bringing his own breathing under control as he grabs Lambert’s wrists. “I. Don’t. Want. This.” He gently pushes Lambert back. “Not this way.”

He can hear the breath catch in Lambert’s throat as he backs away, climbing off of Eskel and sobbing under his breath as his face falls into a war of emotions. 

_RejectionCastAsideTurnedAwayUnwantedUnlovableFreak_

Falling off the bed, the younger Witcher comes to his senses and, with a nod, picks up his clothes, stumbling into his trousers in a way that would be comical in any other situation. 

“Lambert?” Eskel climbs off the bed.

“Stay away from me.”

“Please.”

Eskel keeps his distance but also carefully moves to stand between Lambert and the door. Whatever happens next, he is not letting the younger Witcher leave the room while he is in this state. 

_I’m going to look after you, Little Wolf._

“You can laugh if you want.” Lambert mutters.

“Lambert, I’m not laughing at you, I promise. I want to help.” 

Lambert scoffs, switching to his ever faithful armour of sharp anger. 

“Don’t answer if you don’t want to, Lambert.” Eskel takes a breath, and waits a long moment before speaking again. “Are you a virgin?”

“Depends...”

“On?”

“On what a virgin is.” Lambert shrugs. “I’ve been with people. But either I freak out or, one time I was able to control myself, I didn’t enjoy it.” 

_Oh Little Wolf._

“I know I’m supposed to like it but I don’t. I hate it. I don’t want it. I should _want_ it.”

Still shirtless, the Witcher fidgets over and over with the waistband of his trousers. After a moment he sinks to the floor, knees against his chest.

“Everyone downstairs, they’re surrounded by it and excited. Lost to it. But I feel like I couldn’t care less. And I know I should be excited, but I’m not.” 

His voice picks up speed. “Everyone talks about sex like it’s important, you know. Like they suffer if they go without it for too long. Like life without sex is this unbearable, unspeakable thing.”

Eskel nods. 

“And, I get it. I mean, I know it’s a good thing for other people. A fun thing for other people. I get that. But...when it’s other people it’s _other_ people, you know? There’s a gap.” 

“I know.” 

“But _me_ . When it’s _me_ . Without a gap. Doing that. It’s...I just feel sick. Like something’s eating at my stomach. And I just don’t _want_ it. I don’t need it the way others do. I’m happy without it.” 

“Then why try to have it?”

“Because I _should_ want to.” Lambert shouts. “It makes me weird, not wanting it. And I don’t want _another_ thing that makes me unnatural. A freak. Not when this is something _I_ can control. I can’t stop being a witcher, but I can stop being _this_.” He points at himself.

Eskel stays quiet, letting Lambert say his piece. His job right now is to listen.

“One night.” Lambert looks up at him, eyes wide. “Give me one night where I’m not the freak.”

Eskel nods again, swallowing as he collects his thoughts. 

_He feels like there is a knife to his throat._

_No, not his throat._

_It’s against Lambert’s throat, and if Eskel says or does the wrong thing now, the cut will be deep._

“When you think about being with someone else, what do you think off?”

“Sex.”

“What do you want it to be?”

Lambert shakes his head. 

“You can tell me.” Eskel says, softly. “I’m not judging. I just want to understand so I can help you.”

“ _I_ don’t understand.”

_Oh little wolf. You don’t even know the questions, much less the answers._

“Don’t laugh.”

“I won’t laugh unless you do.”

Lambert nods. “I think about gentle things. Cuddling. Kissing. I can imagine that. Eating meals. Going to plays...the courtship that Jaskier does. I can imagine that. I can see myself doing that. I _want_ to.” He chuckles sadly. “A Witcher wanting a gentle touch.”

“Okay.” Eskel nods. “But you don’t want sex.”

“I want to _want_ it.” Lambert shouts. “I want to be normal. And, I know you can help me. Help me learn to...want it. If I have sex with you, with someone I know and trust, then maybe I’ll like it. And once you’ve faced your fear it’s easier, isn’t it?”

_Oh shit._

“Please, Eskel. Please. Let me make you happy. Just tonight. Just...” He starts fiddling with the trousers again, undoing them. “Please.”

As Lambert talks he has been getting louder and louder, faster and faster, and now Eskel is pretty sure that the younger Witcher is teetering on the edge of a full blown meltdown. 

Without really thinking about it he kneels in front of Lambert, placing a hand over his own and pushing them aside, before doing up the younger witcher’s trousers again. 

“You want to be _normal_? Natural?”

Lambert nods. 

Eskel shakes his head, but then smiles, reaching out, his fingers beckoning. After a moment, Lambert rests his hand there, and Eskel holds it gently.

_Okay. Let’s play your game._

“I’ll help you.”

Lambert swallows, and Eskel can almost read it in his eyes. Lambert thinking that, no, _afraid_ that he won’t enjoy this, but wanting to do it anyway for Eskel’s sake. Wanting to be normal. Even if being normal hurts him. 

_Why do you think so poorly of yourself, Little Wolf?_

“Keep your eyes open and on me, Lambert.” He grips Lambert’s chin, forcing the younger witcher to look into his eyes. “If you close them and keep them closed, then this stops.” He smiles. “I want to be able to see them. See your emotions. Your reactions.”

Lambert nods. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be...”

“Won’t enjoy it if you’re not enjoying it too.” Eskel says. “That’s how I work.”

Lambert nods, tensing slightly. “Okay.”

_And now the tricky part_. 

Eskel takes a breath, his expression firm. “Give me your other hand, Lambert.”

Lambert does so, his mouth a thin line, his eyes wide and focused on Eskel’s hands as they hold his own. 

And...Eskel just keeps holding them.

“You’re trembling.” Eskel says after a moment, reaching for Lambert’s discarded shirt on the floor and putting it back on him, left unopened at the front. “There.”

“But…”

“Shhh.” Eskel smiles, and picks up the witcher’s hands again, moving his own grip down so he can run delicate fingers over the sensitive skin of the palm and wrists. 

After a moment Lambert sighs, closing his eyes briefly before remembering himself, and looking at Eskel again. 

Eskel slides his hands back to grip just the tips of Lambert’s fingers. “Do the same for me.” No please, just a simple order.

Lambert nods, his hands sliding down to Eskel’s wrists. 

“Gentle.” Eskel says, quietly. Patiently. “Feather light. That’s it.” He sighs with contentment.

“It feels good?”

“It didn’t for you?” His voice is breathless.

“It did.” Lambert nods. “But it’s not...”

“No, it’s not sex. But it’s another way of showing affection. And I like it. Helps me relax. Makes me feel happy. Guy taught me this in White Orchard.”

Eskel falls quiet as Lambert grows bolder, running his fingers up each of Eskel’s bare arms and smiling when the older witcher responds with a grin, his eyes closing a moment as he bites his bottom lip.

“That feels perfect.” He nods.

“It does?”

“Don’t believe me.” Eskel chuckles as he takes a firmer grip on Lambert’s left arm. He carefully pushes the loose shirt sleeve up and runs his fingers up and down the soft skin that it exposes. 

Lambert grits his teeth. 

“Okay?”

Lambert swallows.

“What’s wrong?” Eskel slows his movement.

“It just seems too gentle. Sex, it’s not like this. It’s harder.” 

“But we don’t want harder, tonight.” Eskel says. “There’s nothing wrong with wanting things gentle, Lambert. It doesn’t make you abnormal. It certainly doesn’t make you a freak.”

“But…”

“It. Doesn’t. Make you a freak.”

Lambert nods, and sighs as Eskel begins stroking up and down both arms at the same time with a feather light touch.

“You’re not just saying it because you think it will make me feel better?”

“No.” Eskel shakes his head. “I promise. There’s nothing wrong with this.”

Lambert nods.

“There’s lots of ways to show affection. Sex is one of them but it isn’t the only one. In the right relationship, it doesn’t have to be one at all. It’s an option, nothing more. Nothing less.”

“Why do people make it so important then?”

“Because we’re primal, deep down. Our instinct is to procreate, make more people.”

“And Witchers are sterile.” Lambert nods.

“I don’t think your lack of interest is anything to do with that.” Eskel says. “Look at Geralt.”

Lambert huffs out a laugh. 

“But in nature, it’s all about balance. Has to be, otherwise the world will tip over. So when there’s a lot of one type of thing, nature has to have some opposites to balance things out. Men and woman that like sex with other men and woman.” He points at himself. “ _Or_ people that aren’t into sex at all.” He points at Lambert. “And if it is nature that makes them that way, then it’s…”

“...natural.”

“This part of you _is_ natural, Lambert. It’s leftover from when you were human. And you deserve to be loved the way it needs you to be loved.” 

Placing his hands on Lambert’s shoulders, Eskel places his lips gently on the corner of the younger witcher’s mouth before leaning back, looking at his eyes. Satisfied with what he sees there, he kisses him on the lips with a tenderness that belies his brute strength.

The next kiss is to Lambert’s cheek, then to the flap of his ear before nibbling the lobe there. He smiles as he does this, until he feel Lambert tense beneath his fingers and leans back,

“You didn’t like that?”

“I did.” Lambert says quickly. Too quickly.

“Lambert”

“I’m sorry.” Lambert breaks eye contact, voice rising as he lets his anger show.

“Tell me.”

He squeezes his eyes shut. “I didn’t like how it felt on my ears.”

“Shhh..” Eskel nods, cupping his cheek. “I won’t do it again. And let me know if I do anything else you don’t like. We’re both learning, so we need to talk. I like knowing that you’re telling me what does and doesn’t work” 

He can hear the hitch in Lambert’s breathing. “But I don’t...”

“Remember what I said, Lambert.”

“I don’t want to be selfish.”

“Neither do I.” Eskel says. “If I hurt you to get what I want, and ignore your needs, doesn’t that make _me_ selfish.”

Lambert looks down, and Eskel sits back, stroking his wrists. 

“We could just do this all night, and I wouldn’t mind that. You like it. And I like helping you feel good. Special.”

“But?”

“It’s _okay_.” Eskel smiles. “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be.”

Lambert nods, and finally relaxes somewhat. 

“Was the kiss okay?” He gently taps Lambert’s lips, and the younger witcher nods.

Eskel smiles and kisses him again, for longer this time, his hand coming up to brush fingers against the side of Lambert’s face until Lambert gasps against his mouth, and Eskel leans back.

“Lambert?”

“I…”

“You can tell me.”

Lambert looks so nervous that Eskel takes hold of his hand again, squeezing it. 

“You can tell me.” He repeats.

“I like that.” He reaches up with his other hand, touching Eskel’s unscarred cheek briefly before pulling his hand away, swallowing nerves.

_Waiting for me to reject you. Because you think I just want sex. That I don’t want this too. Which gesture will be the one too far? The one that makes me give up on you?_

The older Witcher smirks as he brings both hands up, brushing his fingers up and down Lambert’s cheeks in a delicate dance over the parts of his skin not covered by the beard. 

Lambert responds by closing his eyes, then forces them open. 

“You can close them.” Eskel says. “I _know_ you want this. You told me. I don’t need to check in yet.” He smiles. 

Lambert closes his eyes again, and sinks into the sensation as Eskel traces shapes on either side of his face, and then on his arms and wrists again. His hands.

“Can I?” Lambert opens his eyes, and lifts his hands.

Eskel nods, smiling as the younger Witcher does the same back, tracing on both sides of his face, delicate along each scar, and then down Eskel’s arm.

“If I’m normal, why aren’t there more people like me?”

“How do you know there aren’t.” Eskel says gently, his hands sliding round, avoiding the ears, to cup the back of Lambert’s head. There, his fingers gently massaging the scalp. “Alright?”

Lambert nods, head falling forward, and Eskel chuckles. 

“Think we might be more comfortable if we were laid on the bed?” Eskel says, able to see Lambert starting to begin a slow, futile fight with exhaustion now that his adrenaline has worn off.

The younger witcher looks from Eskel to the bed, and then back again. Without a word, he nods, and then gasps as Eskel pulls him into a hug, letting Lambert rest against him for the longest time before scooping him into his arms and lifting him up like a child. 

He carries him over to the mattress. 

Lambert’s head drops forward before flying back up, and Eskel wraps his arms around Lambert, pulling him so that he is laid sideways against the Witcher’s chest, rocking back and forth. 

“I’m just going to hold you now. Let you fall asleep.”

“But…”

“I want to.”

Once the younger witcher is settled, Eskel wordlessly lays them down, reaching out to grab the discarded blanket and pull it over the now half asleep Lambert before laying back down, and wrapping his arms back around him. 

Kissing the top of his head, Eskel hugs him close, face pressed into Lambert’s crown. Under the blanket he drapes a leg over Lambert’s own, another protective hold.

“Thank you.”

“What for?”

“Trusting me” He kisses his forehead, and Lambert nods.

“The next time you feel like a freak, remember tonight. Remember me. Find me. Or someone else that accepts you for who you are. Geralt or Jaskier will, if you tell them. But only if you want to. They won’t find out from me.” Eskel smiles. “But don’t be ashamed, if you do tell them. You’re not a freak of nature, you're a _force_ of nature. And you deserve to be loved as one. Remember that..” 

Eskel kisses the forehead again. “Promise me, Lambert.”

Lambert doesn’t respond.

“Lambert?” Eskel looks down to see that the younger witcher has fallen asleep in his arms.

He smiles, and settles against the pillow. 

“Okay. Promise me tomorrow.”

Lambert fidgets in his sleep, then relaxes completely.

“When you wake up, we’ll eat breakfast together.” The scarred witcher whispers. “And then I’m going to take you into Novigrad, and we’ll find a Mummers play to watch.”

Lambert starts to snore, and Eskel chuckles fondly as he settles into his own restful sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> <3 <3


End file.
